Words of Affirmation- 3 Things She Needs to Hear You Say

Men aren’t from Mars; they’re in the man cave and probably not listening because Sports Center is on!

Fellas, that’s another subject…but since I have your attention, I do have a question.

How often do you say the things she needs to hear?

To be honest, I’m shocked at the number of couples who do not say, “I love you” to one another on a daily basis. I guess I thought it was standard in relationships, spoken at least twice per day, in morning and before bedtime. I’ve also talked with men who do not compliment or offer comfort to their significant other. I can’t express enough the importance of communication in relationships. Are you experiencing challenges with delivering words of affirmation to her? Cool, put the remote down and take notes!

Here are 3 things she needs to hear you say:

1. “I love you”– In the foyer of my home is a picture of our interlocking hands with the scripture found in 1 Corinthians 14: 4-7 written around the frame. This is my husband’s favorite scripture, so it makes sense why he consistently tells me these three words, unprompted and sometimes unexpected, which fuels my love tank.

Well, I hate to break it to you…saying “you know” before “I love you” doesn’t make her feel good. In essence you are telling her to read your mind, which is a pitfall to expectations and assumptions.

Is this an area of improvement for you? Think about what love means to you and make a commitment to show up in your relationship and start creating a daily habit of verbalizing your love to her!

2. “You look good”– When I leave the house all dolled up and looking super fly, it warms my heart when my husband says “you look good/nice/sexy/beautiful/lovely”, or whatever else will give him extra suga points. PAUSE: Expect when he says, “you look fine. That’s code for “you don’t have time to change” or “you doing too much”. He claims it’s not true but umm…whatever! I know him well enough to know! And he’s usually right.

Any who, I love a man who pays attention to his woman. Fellas, the key word here is COMPLIMENT, COMPLIMENT, COMPLIMENT! I can’t tell you how many women I work with who rarely get compliments from their husband or boyfriend. Oh, and retire the “you know you look good” line. Yeah, once again it doesn’t make her feel good. She wants to be validated and needs to feel wanted by you.

And here’s a Truth moment for you; if you don’t pay attention, someone else will. Oh and because I know the ladies are reading this too, here’s a tip for you…give him something to talk about.

3. “It’s ok”– When I’m in my feelings, having a stressful or overwhelming moment, it is helpful when my husband reminds me it’s ok to not get everything done. “It’s ok” also means “don’t worry” and can be interpreted as “I got you”. She has learned how to survive and make do with what she has, so having the feelings of concern and security from you gives her permission to not feel guilty when she’s not at her best.

Well, I hear the “da, da, da- da, da, da,” music in the background. Thanks for letting me step in the man cave and drop off a few tips for you. Take advantage and begin practicing your words of affirmations. These don’t necessarily apply to every woman, so I encourage you to initiate a conversation with her and simply ask what she needs to hear you say. Don’t take for granted the power of your words!


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Coach Shaquan

Hey there! My name is Coach Shaquan and I'm all about showing up authentically to build and maintain healthy relationships. My personal experience, professional training and absolute passion fuel me to teach what I learned to help you overcome the fears and challenges in your marriage or relationship. I work with people who WANT a healthy relationship, BELIEVE they can have what they want, and people who are WILLING to invest to get solutions that work. Is this you? Well you are in the right place. Let's do this!

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